This is only part of it but like the beggining of this book?

Cars reflected on her walls as she lay in bed. Sirens roared and the normal city sounds kept her awake, 鈥淚 hate this place鈥︹€?she moaned and flipped to on her stomach. She reached down into the nightstand by her bed and grabbed a magazine. She starred at the headline pages. 鈥淣othing ever changes in the city鈥?she thought, then put her magazine down on the floor, flipping back over on her back. She heard crashes from outside. She sat up on her knees and looked out the window above her bed. 鈥淲hat the, is that!?!鈥?she asked herself she looked around. A homeless dog hit a metal garbage can toppling it over. 鈥淲hat is there to do in New York?鈥?she thought. It was a full moon and you could see the Empire State Building from her view, sure it was cool at first but after a while it got old, really fast. She went to some of the normal site seeing things, like the Statue of Liberty, all that stuff but to see it once is good enough.

She heard a buzzing in her ear; it was her alarm clock flashing 6:00 AM, another boring day, at a boring school, in a boring city. She jumped out of bed a trotted over to her radio and put in on full blast, and got her clothes out. Jeans and a hoodie were her normal wardrobe and same with today. She went to the bathroom first though and took a shower. She put her hair up in a ponytail and slipped on her clothes. She ran down stairs into the kitchen. Her mom was pacing around, 鈥淜atherine do you want cereal?鈥?her mom said, 鈥淚 told you a million times mom I hate breakfast鈥?she said in an annoyed tone. 鈥淥kay then, but know its not healthy鈥?she said, 鈥淥kay whatever I鈥檒l buy something at school I鈥檓 gonna be late for the bus鈥?she said as she checked her backpack for everything. 鈥淥kay bye鈥?her mom said. She ran out the door and saw the bus pull over to her curb she jumped in fast as she could and looked for her best friend Caitlyn. She saw her sitting by the window with her head hitting the window repeatedly. 鈥淗ey Caitlyn!鈥?Katherine said. 鈥淗ey Katherine, good thing you鈥檙e here or it would have been Johnny Milinski sitting next to me鈥?Caitlyn said as Katherine sat down. 鈥淓w.鈥?Katherine said fast. 鈥淵eah鈥?Caitlyn said in response. 鈥淪o I heard today were the talent show try outs, are you doing anything?鈥?Katherine said as the bus pulled away. 鈥淚 don鈥檛 know I was gonna do a dance with Sarah but she ditched me, to do one with Alexis鈥?Caitlyn said. 鈥淭hat鈥檚 Sarah, why did you trust her you barley know her鈥︹€?Katherine said when actually she was just jealous. 鈥淚鈥檝e known her since preschool Katherine, come on!鈥?Caitlyn said. 鈥淲ell I鈥檝e known you for longer and I was never asked to do a dance!鈥?Katherine said, 鈥淲ell that鈥檚 because remember what happened last year鈥︹€?br> The bus pulled on the curb of the school, and Katherine and Caitlyn stepped out and started walking towards the doors, kids were sitting on the two walls surrounding the door a kid with blue and green hair looked at Katherine, 鈥淗ey Katherine I was wondering if鈥︹€?he said, 鈥淣o Jimmy, I told you fifty times!!! I鈥檓 not going with you!鈥?Katherine said very annoyed by now. 鈥淥h come on!!!鈥?Jimmy pleaded. 鈥淚 said NO!鈥?Katherine stated. 鈥淐ome on Caitlyn it wasn鈥檛 that bad I just accidentally caught the curtains on fire, after the fire department came it was all taken care of!鈥?Katherine said. Caitlyn stopped Katherine before they walked in and looked at her and said 鈥淵ou have to be kidding me you almost burned the whole school down!鈥?Katherine pushed the doors open, and walked in the school. Lockers filled the walls with grey and paper airplanes flew around fast and the classroom 106 sat in Katherine corner of her eye. 鈥淲hatever just forget about the talent show okay I have to find a date for the dance!鈥? Katherine said as she starred into space. 鈥淵ou never go to dances!鈥?Caitlyn said. 鈥淚 did once in 8th grade!鈥?Katherine said. 鈥淜atherine, Katherine, Katherine鈥ou puked all over the floor when you ate their pizza!鈥?Caitlyn said in a superior tone. 鈥淥kay, I just won鈥檛 eat pizza this time! Any who I wanna bring Jaime Stewart!鈥?Katherine said slowly. 鈥淛AIME STEWART ARE YOU CRAZY, GIVE ME A CHANCE TO BREATH DID YOU JUST SAY JAIME STEWART! THE MOST POPULAR, HOT GUY IN THE WHOLE SCHOOL?!?!鈥?Caitlyn practically yelled. 鈥淐hill Caitlyn, I was just thinking!鈥?Katherine said. 鈥淲ell, stop thinking before you get your hopes up, because I鈥檓 brining him!鈥?Caitlyn said. 鈥淪ure you are鈥?Katherine said as she followed Caitlyn to her locker. 鈥淲hat are the chances of Caitlyn Smithson bringing Jaime Stewart to the dance?鈥?said Katherine. 鈥淐hill Katherine, I was just thinking鈥?she said mimicking Katherine鈥檚 voice. They both laughed. 鈥淚 got to go to Mr. Berlinski鈥檚 fast though or it will be my third dentition this year!鈥?Katherine said. 鈥淥kay bye!鈥?Caitlyn yelled as Katherine walked away. Katherine turned around without thinking and bumped into someone she looked up, it was Jaime Stewart maybe she thought, but no just Jimmy, 鈥淐ome on Katherine I know her you鈥檙e desperate for a date!鈥?he said. 鈥淲hat are you doing now? Stalking me?鈥?Katherine walked away, 鈥淚 know I鈥檓 not good as no Jaime or something but I鈥檓 a good guy!鈥?Jimmy pleaded again and again. 鈥淥kay Jimmy, I鈥檒l go with you if at the very last millisecond of time before the dance I don鈥檛 have the date, and stop dying your hair blue and greens too!鈥?Katherine said. Jimmy touched his hair, 鈥淭HANKS KAT!鈥?he yelled, 鈥淣ever, I say never, call me that again鈥?Katherine said. 鈥淲hatever!鈥?he said.

Katherine went to her locker entered her com. and got all her stuff for Mr. Berlinski鈥檚 room of torture! No actually just science class. She sat down next to her friend Caleb, 鈥淗ey Caleb!鈥?Katherine said. 鈥淗ey Katherine, it鈥檚 got around school your going with Jimmy, I was surprised!鈥?Caleb said. 鈥淎H! I told him鈥rg鈥ever mind鈥?Katherine said after she banged her head on the desk. 鈥淥kay for the next Lab project we鈥檒l be having partners and no you don鈥檛 get to choose鈥?Mr. Berlinski said, the class moaned. 鈥淚 will be pulling two names and you will be with the other name I pull, get it? Good! Now Katherine Smith is going with Sarah Diverts!鈥?Katherine banged her head on the table again, 鈥淥w鈥?Katherine said as she looked at Caleb and he shrugged. 鈥淢s. Smith I don鈥檛 appreciate your attitude toward sweet, caring Sarah, and if I wasn鈥檛 mistaken somebody鈥檚 jealous鈥︹€?Mr. Berlinski moaned. The class laughed. 鈥淲HAT? NO I鈥橫 NOT I鈥鈥 DON鈥橳 EVEN LIKE SARAH!鈥?Katherine stuttered. 鈥淲ell then, moving on鈥?Mr. Berlinski said, in his annoying, annoying voice. Katherine looked at Caleb and said, 鈥淪tarting now my life is over鈥? 鈥淐ome on, its not that bad鈥ou just got humiliated in front of the whole class鈥?Caleb said. 鈥淭hat sure helps Caleb thanks a lot鈥?Katherine said. 鈥淐aleb McGhee and Jessie Fairmont鈥?Mr. Berlinski said in his deadbeat voice. 鈥淥h鈥an鈥alk about lives being over I鈥檓 stuck with Jessie!鈥?Caleb looked over and Jessie she had pigtails braided with her brown hair and freckles clouded her whole face. She had braces that locked her mouth shut and huge wire-rim glasses. She smiled, exposing her horrible teeth, and waved at Caleb. 鈥淚 think Mr. Berlinski plans these things!鈥?Caleb said, 鈥淭ell me about it鈥?Katherine responded. 鈥淩ING鈥?the bell rang for class to be over. 鈥淭omorrow we will be doing our science experiments with out partners have a good weekend鈥?Mr. Berlinski said. Katherine ran out of the class to Caitlyn鈥檚 locker. 鈥淐AITLYN!!! You won鈥檛 believe what just happened鈥?Katherine yelled. 鈥淲hat? What?鈥?she said as she grabbed her history book out of her locker. 鈥淕uess who my partner in Science is!鈥?鈥淛aime?鈥?Caitlyn said, 鈥淚 wish鈥ut it鈥檚 Sarah!鈥?Katherine said as she still was in shock. 鈥淓ek, that sucks鈥?Caitlyn said, 鈥淵eah I no, I just wish this day could be over!!!鈥?Katherine said. Then the PDA turned on. 鈥淜ATHERINE SMITH OF GRADE 11, PLEASE REPORT TO THE OFFICE IMMDEITYLY鈥?it said. 鈥淚 wonder what that is鈥︹€?Katherine said. Caitlyn shrugged at her remark. Katherine grabbed her books and ran to the office, 鈥淗i, Mrs. Callonberry the office called for me?!鈥?鈥淵es, yes go to the Principals office, its right down the hall first room on the left鈥?Mrs. Callonberry said. 鈥淭hank you鈥?Katherine said as she held her books up to her chest and walked down the hall proudly, she thought maybe she was getting an award or something. She opened the door to the office, 鈥淗ello Mr. Aubrey鈥?鈥淗ello Katherine鈥?he responded. 鈥淚 was called down鈥︹€?Katherine said. 鈥淗ow can I say this Katherine, well, you had a call from your parents today鈥?he said slowly. 鈥淵es鈥nd what did they say? Did something happen???鈥?Katherine said franticly. 鈥淭hey wanted me to tell you; well I have to tell you, you鈥檙e getting transferred, to the St. Camebrith Private Schooling鈥?鈥淲HAT?鈥?Katherine screamed. 鈥淚 know its short notice Katherine, but it wasn鈥檛 all your parents鈥?decision, you have a tendency, of well getting in trouble a lot like that talent show and you鈥檝e messed up some of the dances鈥?Mr. Aubrey said. 鈥淐ome on, Mr. Aubrey!!鈥?鈥淪orry Katherine what final is final鈥︹€?鈥淲hatever I got to go鈥?Katherine said. 鈥淛ust to let you know this is your last day at 鈥淔airburg High School of New York鈥?br>This is only part of it but like the beggining of this book?

And?

This is only part of it but like the beggining of this book?

what is this crap??

I see NO question here.

What a waste of space!

This is only part of it but like the beggining of this book?

did u really had 2 put dat much?

This is only part of it but like the beggining of this book?

it's interesting but a little on the juvinile side

This is only part of it but like the beggining of this book?

If I was in a reading mood, I'd read all that. But I'm not.

...Did you type all that up yourself??

This is only part of it but like the beggining of this book?

Damn that's alot of writing. I didnt even read it. Okay, bye now.

This is only part of it but like the beggining of this book?

Geez I didn't even read half of it... it's boring and it rambled on and the spelling mistakes are atrocious!

This is only part of it but like the beggining of this book?

Umm... was there suppose to be a question there?

Because I think I missed it.

This is only part of it but like the beggining of this book?

Well... I don't want to be too critical since you're probably pretty young but there's a couple things I noticed right away:

There's nothing very interesting happening that makes a person want to keep reading.

The word "she" is far too repetitive.

The writing in general does not have much in the way of any interesting or advanced literary quality, but again, if you're young it's a good start.

The punctuation and grammar is not good and would lose any knowledgeable reader's interest as a result - sure editors can fix that but really it should be better, even in a first draft.

Don't let criticism get you down, though - I'm just trying to help with things that need it. There's a reason I'm not an author: it's too hard!

This is only part of it but like the beggining of this book?

I gather this is something you are writing yourself? This is a good teen effort.. and by that I mean no disrespect if you are older. The story begins in full stride and you begin developing the main character right away. You have good development and that generates interest. Congratulations on taking it this far.

However, there are several flaws which are correctable: your dialogue is forced and you are moving too quickly. As an example, take "A homeless dog hit a metal garbage can toppling it over." First, dogs don't hit much of anything. Second, you don't use this for effectively framing what it looks like outside. Instead of rushing off again, I suggest you develop this thought: what you would see AFTER the noise is a dog going through the garbage of a trash can it apparently tipped over. I suggest you describe the sound it makes, the echo in the alley, the view down the fire escape the litter and dirt, something like that... the area removed from the normal hustle and bustle of the people moving around in the night.

Develop your thoughts more along with the transitions and you will do well.

This is only part of it but like the beggining of this book?

ASHLYN! Dammmmm! Did you not JUST ask this "question" 3 days ago (I believe your "question" then was "I WROTE THIS IS IT GOOD I WROTE IT") and did you not get all the information from those poor people who had to read it then??!!! Are you that hard up for approval?

This is only part of it but like the beggining of this book?

Wow, that is a LONG chunk of writing. You could do with some editing on the grammar/punctuation front, and maybe if you made the format more palatable... (sorry, I didn't get through much of the story, so I can't say much about it).

If you really want comments from readers who *want* to review, post this up on www.fictionpress.com.

This is only part of it but like the beggining of this book?

ITS A BOOK PEOPLE! i'm her friend and i think this book, through editing, and when she's done writing, it will be on the top ten book list. so HAH! i read it all. heck, i read it twice. take the time to read it. do you know why its long? ITS A FREAKING BOOK! and ya no what? its not even long. it'll be lik 113 pages when its in PAPERBACK!!!