Is this good? I wrote it is it good?

Cars reflected on her walls as she lay in bed. Sirens roared and the normal city sounds kept her awake, 鈥淚 hate this place鈥︹€?she moaned and flipped to on her stomach. She reached down into the nightstand by her bed and grabbed a magazine. She starred at the headline pages. 鈥淣othing ever changes in the city鈥?she thought, then put her magazine down on the floor, flipping back over on her back. She heard crashes from outside. She sat up on her knees and looked out the window above her bed. 鈥淲hat the, is that!?!鈥?she asked herself she looked around. A homeless dog hit a metal garbage can toppling it over. 鈥淲hat is there to do in New York?鈥?she thought. It was a full moon and you could see the Empire State Building from her view, sure it was cool at first but after a while it got old, really fast. She went to some of the normal site seeing things, like the Statue of Liberty, all that stuff but to see it once is good enough.

She heard a buzzing in her ear; it was her alarm clock flashing 6:00 AM, another boring day, at a boring school, in a boring city. She jumped out of bed a trotted over to her radio and put in on full blast, and got her clothes out. Jeans and a hoodie were her normal wardrobe and same with today. She went to the bathroom first though and took a shower. She put her hair up in a ponytail and slipped on her clothes. She ran down stairs into the kitchen. Her mom was pacing around, 鈥淜atherine do you want cereal?鈥?her mom said, 鈥淚 told you a million times mom I hate breakfast鈥?she said in an annoyed tone. 鈥淥kay then, but know its not healthy鈥?she said, 鈥淥kay whatever I鈥檒l buy something at school I鈥檓 gonna be late for the bus鈥?she said as she checked her backpack for everything. 鈥淥kay bye鈥?her mom said. She ran out the door and saw the bus pull over to her curb she jumped in fast as she could and looked for her best friend Caitlyn. She saw her sitting by the window with her head hitting the window repeatedly. 鈥淗ey Caitlyn!鈥?Katherine said. 鈥淗ey Katherine, good thing you鈥檙e here or it would have been Johnny Milinski sitting next to me鈥?Caitlyn said as Katherine sat down. 鈥淓w.鈥?Katherine said fast. 鈥淵eah鈥?Caitlyn said in response. 鈥淪o I heard today were the talent show try outs, are you doing anything?鈥?Katherine said as the bus pulled away. 鈥淚 don鈥檛 know I was gonna do a dance with Sarah but she ditched me, to do one with Alexis鈥?Caitlyn said. 鈥淭hat鈥檚 Sarah, why did you trust her you barley know her鈥︹€?Katherine said when actually she was just jealous. 鈥淚鈥檝e known her since preschool Katherine, come on!鈥?Caitlyn said. 鈥淲ell I鈥檝e known you for longer and I was never asked to do a dance!鈥?Katherine said, 鈥淲ell that鈥檚 because remember what happened last year鈥︹€?br> The bus pulled on the curb of the school, and Katherine and Caitlyn stepped out and started walking towards the doors, kids were sitting on the two walls surrounding the door a kid with blue and green hair looked at Katherine, 鈥淗ey Katherine I was wondering if鈥︹€?he said, 鈥淣o Jimmy, I told you fifty times!!! I鈥檓 not going with you!鈥?Katherine said very annoyed by now. 鈥淥h come on!!!鈥?Jimmy pleaded. 鈥淚 said NO!鈥?Katherine stated. 鈥淐ome on Caitlyn it wasn鈥檛 that bad I just accidentally caught the curtains on fire, after the fire department came it was all taken care of!鈥?Katherine said. Caitlyn stopped Katherine before they walked in and looked at her and said 鈥淵ou have to be kidding me you almost burned the whole school down!鈥?Katherine pushed the doors open, and walked in the school. Lockers filled the walls with grey and paper airplanes flew around fast and the classroom 106 sat in Katherine corner of her eye. 鈥淲hatever just forget about the talent show okay I have to find a date for the dance!鈥? Katherine said as she starred into space. 鈥淵ou never go to dances!鈥?Caitlyn said. 鈥淚 did once in 8th grade!鈥?Katherine said. 鈥淜atherine, Katherine, Katherine鈥ou puked all over the floor when you ate their pizza!鈥?Caitlyn said in a superior tone. 鈥淥kay, I just won鈥檛 eat pizza this time! Any who I wanna bring Jaime Stewart!鈥?Katherine said slowly. 鈥淛AIME STEWART ARE YOU CRAZY, GIVE ME A CHANCE TO BREATH DID YOU JUST SAY JAIME STEWART! THE MOST POPULAR, HOT GUY IN THE WHOLE SCHOOL?!?!鈥?Caitlyn practically yelled. 鈥淐hill Caitlyn, I was just thinking!鈥?Katherine said. 鈥淲ell, stop thinking before you get your hopes up, because I鈥檓 brining him!鈥?Caitlyn said. 鈥淪ure you are鈥?Katherine said as she followed Caitlyn to her locker. 鈥淲hat are the chances of Caitlyn Smithson bringing Jaime Stewart to the dance?鈥?said Katherine. 鈥淐hill Katherine, I was just thinking鈥?she said mimicking Katherine鈥檚 voice. They both laughed. 鈥淚 got to go to Mr. Berlinski鈥檚 fast though or it will be my third dentition this year!鈥?Katherine said. 鈥淥kay bye!鈥?Caitlyn yelled as Katherine walked away. Katherine turned around without thinking and bumped into someone she looked up, it was Jaime Stewart maybe she thought, but no just Jimmy, 鈥淐ome on Katherine I know her you鈥檙e desperate for a date!鈥?he said. 鈥淲hat are you doing now? Stalking me?鈥?Katherine walked away, 鈥淚 know I鈥檓 not good as no Jaime or something but I鈥檓 a good guy!鈥?Jimmy pleaded again and again. 鈥淥kay Jimmy, I鈥檒l go with you if at the very last millisecond of time before the dance I don鈥檛 have the date, and stop dying your hair blue and greens too!鈥?Katherine said. Jimmy touched his hair, 鈥淭HANKS KAT!鈥?he yelled, 鈥淣ever, I say never, call me that again鈥?Katherine said. 鈥淲hatever!鈥?he said.

Katherine went to her locker entered her com. and got all her stuff for Mr. Berlinski鈥檚 room of torture! No actually just science class. She sat down next to her friend Caleb, 鈥淗ey Caleb!鈥?Katherine said. 鈥淗ey Katherine, it鈥檚 got around school your going with Jimmy, I was surprised!鈥?Caleb said. 鈥淎H! I told him鈥rg鈥ever mind鈥?Katherine said after she banged her head on the desk. 鈥淥kay for the next Lab project we鈥檒l be having partners and no you don鈥檛 get to choose鈥?Mr. Berlinski said, the class moaned. 鈥淚 will be pulling two names and you will be with the other name I pull, get it? Good! Now Katherine Smith is going with Sarah Diverts!鈥?Katherine banged her head on the table again, 鈥淥w鈥?Katherine said as she looked at Caleb and he shrugged. 鈥淢s. Smith I don鈥檛 appreciate your attitude toward sweet, caring Sarah, and if I wasn鈥檛 mistaken somebody鈥檚 jealous鈥︹€?Mr. Berlinski moaned. The class laughed. 鈥淲HAT? NO I鈥橫 NOT I鈥鈥 DON鈥橳 EVEN LIKE SARAH!鈥?Katherine stuttered. 鈥淲ell then, moving on鈥?Mr. Berlinski said, in his annoying, annoying voice.

Is this good? I wrote it is it good?

Your plot is fair, with nothing grabbing the reader. That is where it ends. How can someone "sit up on her knees?" A different way to describe resting on the knees is needed. Also, never insert more than one exclamation point or question mark such as this?!??! Only one will suffice; using more than one labels the writer as a beginning amateur.

You have run-on sentences throughout the story without the necessary punctuation. Character dialogue runs together too; you're supposed to start a new line for each character's dialogue.

The best way to write the inner thoughts of a character is to italicize them with no tags. Correct spelling, throughout the ms, is found wanting.

Ending a sentence of dialogue is incomplete without its customary comma before the tag. I'd say the largest area you need to improve upon is the use of punctuation, separate paragraphing for dialogue and change of thought, and run-on sentences.

I read your piece with difficulty because there was no paragraphing to ease the reader's eyes and to digest the narrative.

My recommendation to help in writing: For about $7.50 you can find an invaluable pocketbook to keep near your computer while writing. Called "The Elements of Style," written by William Strunk, Jr., and E.B. White, this little book is a treasure for the novice and the experienced writer.

Inside, you'll find Elementary Rules of Usage, Elementary Principles of Composition, A Few Matters of Form, Words and Expressions Commonly Misused, and more.

Many more grammar books for writers are available, but "The Elements of Style" is an excellent reference book to begin your writing.

You will find that writing is the fun part, but editing the manuscript to perfection is the most difficult and one that is never complete. You must develop a thick skin in writing, because if you are to improve the craft of writing, you will have to endure many critiques and manuscript editing.

I wish you success in this journey of the fine art of writing. Keep writing and search for reference material that will help. Persistence and perserverence are the key words to remember.

Is this good? I wrote it is it good?

I've been writing for about ten years (although I've never been published), and this is some really good advice - especially the part about picking up "Elements of Style". Report It

Is this good? I wrote it is it good?

doesnt your hands hurt ? lol to much typing

Is this good? I wrote it is it good?

yes

Is this good? I wrote it is it good?

do not right a long story like that most people do not wunt to read all of that it is like you are telling all about your life ??????????????

Is this good? I wrote it is it good?

No one expects to read a story in yahoo answers.

Send this to editor of any periodicals for an comment.

Is this good? I wrote it is it good?

THAT WAS EXCELENT....GET IT PUBLISHED

Is this good? I wrote it is it good?

nope

Is this good? I wrote it is it good?

You should edit it one more time, I saw a few spelling errors. Other than that it was good.

Is this good? I wrote it is it good?

whats the plot :

Is this good? I wrote it is it good?

|Mmm...well written, but I still cant understand the point...is it just a piece of the whole story??

Is this good? I wrote it is it good?

Your style is very good. I suggest you continue with your story and your pursuit of writing. With a little work and an editor you could be a novelist in a very short time. Good Luck and don't quit !

Is this good? I wrote it is it good?

Wow, your hands must be tired that's a lot of typing. Very good story, you should really think about taking a creative writing class in school this year. You actually could possibly submit this as part of an assignment. Happy writing, and have a great day!!!!

Is this good? I wrote it is it good?

Not bad, but use spell check.

Is this good? I wrote it is it good?

no. not really. it has no point. sorry. try again

Is this good? I wrote it is it good?

OK, now edit!

Try to cut out half the words.

Get rid of empty words!

Trust me on this one.

I did cut out more than half the words in the above sentences. They are much easier to read and understand now.

I missed some empty words above.

_Trust me!_

delete "on this one"

understand?

Is this good? I wrote it is it good?

You gave me reasons to be interested in Katherine as a fictional character, and I found myself caring about what happens to her. That's one of the biggest challenges a writer faces. I honesty believe you have a gift for dialog and storytelling. One of the best ways to develop and perfect your talent is to READ GOOD FICTION--as much as you can get your hands on. This will help you recognize good writing in your own work. Please continue to write. You have the raw material to become a really good novelist.

Is this good? I wrote it is it good?

It needs work.

There is no plot.

In addition to the misspelled words there sentence syntax errors and far too many words. Keeping it primarily in the first person doesn't help the situation and first person creates no sympathy. Basically it is the whining of a very negative little girl. Why would anyone want to read it?

Any one who wants to write should do so over and over and over to begin the understanding of the craft of writing. It is more than simply filling a page with thoughts, rather, it is the constructing of those words in ways that will entice any reader to continue to the end. It is the development of a plot that has some meaning. For example, when the girl leaves for school the dog might be still diging into the garbage can and as the girl passes the dog she sees that it is trying to get a sawed off hand out of the garbage can. What was at first a boring day on top of a frustratingly sleepless night, has now become intensely interesting.

Reading other writers (good writers that is) is part and parcel of learning to write well. Those who paint go to the museum and study the works of the master. Often they copy them learning technique. So too with writers, and they must read those who have been successful through the years. Individuals such as William Faulkner, DeFoe, Shakespeare, Tennessee Williams, Hemingway, as a few of the many thousands of time tested writers.

How do they describe a room, a forest, a city, in as few of words as possible leaving the imagination of the reader to add to such descriptions? How do they describe people and how much of that description remains in the writer鈥檚 head and how much makes it to the page? How do they develop and write conversations? How do they develop and write that all important plot.

If you want to write, do it! But do by taking advantage of the good writers that have gone before you.

As a little exercise, I鈥檝e used only the smallest of examples of the beginning of your story and wrote it a different way. No single way is correct and there are as many variations as there are writers. Just some thoughts

Nightlife in the city slammed through her bedroom window jarring her sensibilities with sounds and lights making sleep impossible. Even reading did nothing to stop the tossing and turning but rather emphasized her belief that nothing was interesting or happening in the city.

At that age between childhood joys and adult activities, everything seem to focus on her just to make her life miserable. Crashing, a metal garbage can brought her to the window where a wandering dog had now found a meal and even that seem directed at her. Things that once were interesting, such as the Statue of Liberty or a tour through the Metropolitan Museum paled in the emotional world wide teenage lament of, 鈥淚ts so boring there is nothing to do in New York!鈥?br>

Saved from more grim thoughts by the 6:00 AM alarm clock buzzing the need to get ready for another school day, albeit an anticipated boring day, she began dressing by turning the radio on full blast.

Is this good? I wrote it is it good?

no. you need to add more periods and commas and general punctuation. You also need to make the story interesting. I don't think New York is boring, there's loads of things for a teen to do, and WHO IS THIS SARAH PERSON ANYWAY????

Is this good? I wrote it is it good?

um...it got kind of confusing, but good!

Is this good? I wrote it is it good?

i read half of it but it was pretty good

Is this good? I wrote it is it good?

wow!!!!!!!!!!!!

i loveddddddddddddddddd it!

are u like an author or sumthing???